You know.. I have given this a lot of thought. My husband told me one day that he wanted his meals "hot on the table when he came home". I looked at him dumbfounded, like- "I know he did not just boss me around!" First of all, he never gets home at the same time everyday. Sometimes I do have his meals "hot on the stove" what am I? A damn slave? Or a partner? Sometimes I cook after he gets home. But seriously, sometimes its a waste of my time because he works so late he ends up having already eaten the meal the submarine kitchen made (Which he complains about) or the food is 4 hours old (as it was yesterday) by the time he finally gets off work.
We have our bickering when it comes to sharing the household chores.. no doubt. I am not wonder woman. I cannot do everything. There is nothing wrong with needing help! I have to raise our two kids, take care of our pets, clean the house, run the errands, plus keep me looking good. It's no easy task. Just ask anyone with kids. Especially more than one kid. Each kid adds its own struggles and frustrations and money + time required to the mix and jumble that is our crazy life.
Since my husband deploys every 3 months or so for 3 months or so. He is basically only here half of the year. Even less if you count duty days where he has to spend the night on the boat every two days and stay at work the next day. On duty days, he is only home 1 weekend day a week. Only one weekend a month will he end up with the whole weekend off. I know it sucks for him. But like- when he has duty, he goes to work that morning, works a normal shift, has to stand watch and keep guard of the submarine all night. He sleeps for 3 to 4 hours on the submarine. Then, continues his normal work schedule the next day. If he has duty on Tues, for example; He goes to work works Tues, sleeps on the sub, does his duty that night , gets up Wed on sub , continues work next day.. they sometimes can keep him til 7 or 8pm. Last time I saw him was Monday night because his duty starts at 6 in the am so he has to be up by 430! *Egads!* So I wont see him at all from Tues the whole day- til late Wednesday. Repeat it on Friday and like so every two days. Yeah - it sucks. (But they pay him good.. it's definitely a sacrifice he makes for us. I appreciate him and thank him all the time for it!)
He comes home dog tired and has a few hours to help me and get up and start it all over again. Then, the poor dude when hes deployed doesn't get one single day off. For three months. You'd think I'd feel sorry for him, but its hard to. He has to have another guy relieve him of "Duty" my mom calls it "Doodie". (like hes taking a crap.. haha, thats funny. Idc if you think it is or not! :) And just like he gets relived, because someone always has to be guarding the Sub. He's my relief, someones always got to be guarding the kids. I yearn for him to come home. SO I can be "off work". When he does he wants to relax. Sorry dude, relax when your dead, we've got kids.
Like I was saying at the beginning of this UBER long ramble. He actually told me one day, "What do you do around here?" (Yes, he's still alive...) and was bitching because a lot of the time.. I don't cook dinner every night.
We just grab a sandwich or whatever.
Which got me to thinking.. our parents royally screwed us. I don't know about you, but the Daddy never helped.
Mom did everything (and usually worked too.. how unfair)
AND cooked hot meals every night.
I'm telling you, you have probably noticed (and if you haven't take another look at the pictures in this blog) our house is always clean. Cleaner than a lot of folks I know. I always feel like there's more to do.
He's always helped me.
But now its an issue.
When he's here- I make him help (yes make- and bitch until he does) but I wish he would just do it without letting it sit for 2 days. I am too OCD to have it sit. Maybe he thinks I will do his chores? If so, he's dead wrong.
Here's what I expect out of him.
To do half of the laundry (my MOST dreaded chore)
Half of the dishes
and half of the floors (my 2nd most dreaded chore.. have you seen the tile in my house?)
The laundry is a big issue.
We don't have a ton of money to waste on clothes or doing laundry. Detergent is expensive. As is running a washer and dryer. So I maximize this issue. I only wash about 4 loads every ten days. We have a ton of clothes, so we never "run out".
We have a ton because I take care of them.
I have had so many clothes get ruined by not separating loads.
I wash like colors together.
I have my "pinks" which consist of reds, yellows, oranges, and naturally pinks.
I have my "darks" (which consist of gray, brown, green, blue and black)
I have my "whites" (duh .. whites)
and my towels.
I never wash towels with my regular laundry that will ruin your clothes.
Like I said, no money to replace clothes. I told you I was OCD, didn't I? Just slightly.
Also being that I hate laundry- well.. you finish the sentence,
OK, so keep in mind, my laundry dryer, holds like 3 loads, and my washer is EXTRA capacity.. so I wait til I have enough to wash. I will NEVER was a half a load, and will raise hell if I see someone washing one item. Why in the world would you do that? Not in this house. No way!
Anyways- so we do it all at the same time. So my 4 loads of separated colors are really equal to 8 loads. It's a LOT of laundry, Yes, I have contemplated doing it as it comes. But the thing is, it takes a long time to get enough of each "load" the way I separate them. So we wash them all and do it at the same time. He always helps. He usually doesn't complain too much. It goes a lot faster with his help. When he's here, there is less laundry though. But still a lot.
Oh the floors. I always vacuum and mop and he always sweeps. Its the way it always has been. I can't do my part- til he does his. I am always nagging about that. He will literally put it off for like 3-4 days at times. I feel like I am walking at the daggum beach up in here!
Then the dishes.
Same thing split down the middle. He loads better than I do. I unload better than he does. So that is our little system and it has always worked.
Until- he bitched about it.
I didn't make this family by myself!
Keep in mind; he only helps with the three things: floors, laundry & dishes. That's not all it takes to keep this household running and afloat! I have to pick up after the kids, cook, (he never does) clean up that mess. Clean the fridge, the microwave, sweep the floors, take care of the cat, the dogs, and the hermit crabs, dress and bathe the kids, take the one to school, come back home and take care of the baby all day, go back, pick the big kid up. Come back home. Plus this blog, dusting, windex-ing, scrubbing the tub and toilets.... I am sure I could come up with more if I tried!
The only other chore he has is gardening and we have small yard. LOL!
Do you know what I said to him?
I said, basically; "..listen here buddy, I love you, but you only help with less than half of the chores. That 40 (him) 60 (me) that's being generous to him. It is probably really more like 30 and 70... *ahem* like I was saying..
So then hes gone 6 mo out of the year- and I have no help. No friends here are going to come take the "daddy stand in spot". I barely even have a baby sitter - you have no idea what its like not having your kids grandparents you can call to go have fun or take a break. I don't have that luxury. I am not entrusting my children's care with a stranger.
So being that he's gone half the year his 40 gets knocked down to 20. SO he helps with 20% around here.. still think I am asking too much?
I have to do everything when he is gone. Mine, plus all his chores. Yet hes always bitching at me to "get a job". Why? So someone else can raise my kids? I would work for little to no pay and be really miserable.
I am not complaining about raising my family.
I love it, and it keeps me busy. Without it, I would have no purpose. I am just saying our mothers screwed us. They didn't ask for help.
They cooked every night.
Damn them! They are making me look bad!
I cant live up to that expectation.
Nor do I want to!
This is a different generation men!
Do you know how to turn a stove on?
I envy women whose husbands help without being nagged. Who cook for them and take them out to eat often . I don't have that luxury.
But I do know if he ever says that shit again, he'll be cooking his own meals from here on out.