I saw this in The Stir - Are you happy with your married name or do you wish you'd kept your maiden name?
7 Reasons I Wish I'd Kept My Maiden Name
Posted by Aunt Becky on April 5, 2012
I'd never been interested in marriage. I wasn't the kind of girl who played "bride" or planned her dream wedding -- I was much more of a ninja pirate. So when the time came that my (now) husband proposed to me, I barely knew how to handle it.Of course, I said yes. I also said yes to planning the big wedding of his dreams, which was lovely.
But the one thing I'd really wanted, the one thing I hated about marriage, I ended up doing: I changed my last name. I've regretted it ever since.
Here's why I wish I'd kept my maiden name.
1) I now share a name with my mother-in-law, who, bless her heart, is no fan of mine.
2) My former last name "Sherrick" was almost never mangled by telemarketers. My married name "Harks" is almost always garbled to the point of being unrecognizable. I now answer to "Park," "Death" (don't ASK me how that happened), "Parks," "Sharks," and "Harken."
3) I liked feeling like I was an independent woman. Getting married was enough of a stretch for me -- and taking his name was even harder.
4) I'd lived as a "Sherrick" for 24 years. I had attachments to the name and what it represented.
5) I'd been professionally known by my maiden name (I'm a nurse -- scary, I know) and I liked it that way. Changing names professionally is tricky.
6) Marriage = free name change. Divorce = expensive name change.
7) While I'd warmed to the idea of marriage as a good thing, being known as "Mrs. (My Husband's Name)" makes me feel kinda like I'm his property.
Despite the multitude of reasons I didn't want to change my name, I decided, in the end, that it was important for our legacy and our future to do so. So I did. I didn't totally ditch my maiden name, though. It's now firmly wedged between my first and my last.
What about you? Did you (or would you) change your name? Why? Why not?
I have done both (yes, I've been married more than once). The man I was married to before Tim had a young child and in no way did I want to be mistaken for that child's mother, so in a way it was out of respect for her and his son, that I chose not to take his name. Honestly, looking back, even though I was very independent, had my own career, on and on and on with reasons, I came to realize that it was also because I always wanted to hold myself back a bit from him. I do not believe that a woman has to give herself over to a man completely (in fact - just the opposite), but I now also see for me that I could also never commit to giving my love completely because I always had to hold something out for myself to define the distance. The interesting thing was, I knew when I married my current husband, Tim, that it was right BECAUSE I very much wanted his last name. I feel like it is the most special gift one can give another - to say that you are a part of me and my love so completely that I am willing to share my name with you. The distance and need to show my individuality and independence isn't even an issue, since I know I am loved more and better than I ever have been in my life. I'm given wings when I need to fly and a rock to hold onto when I feel like I am drowning. I can't even imagine NOT having his name as part of mine.
ReplyDeleteInteresting article! I always knew that I would change my name (I didn't really have an attachment to my maiden name), but she makes great points.
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I took my husband's name happily. I really had no qualms about it; marriage is about becoming one and part of that unity is sharing a name. I didn't think of it so much as taking away my identity as his sharing his name with me. And then how confusing for kids to have married parents and everyone having different names. I like the tradition, and while I left my maiden name behind, I never truly left it. How often do you have to include your maiden name when filling out docs any way? It is still a part of who I am, but I proudly wear my husband's last name...the name he bears from his father, and his father's father.
ReplyDeleteI chose to keep my name because i have 2 older kids that have my last name and i didnt want them to feel left out plus i didnt want to have to change it back if it didnt work out.
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I took my husband's last name, but as a teacher, still sometimes get called by my maiden name and have to admit I love it...but I am super glad that I took his name. Great article, #1 gave me a little laugh.
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