Hobson

Arthur: Oh, stay with me, Hobson. You know I hate to be alone.
Hobson: Yes, bathing is a very lonely business.
Arthur: Except for fish.
Hobson: Pardon? Did you say "except for fish"?
Arthur: Yes... fish all bathe together. Though they do tend to eat one another. I often think... fish must get awfully tired of sea food. What are your thoughts, Hobson?

Hobson: Would you remove your helmet, please?

Arthur: Why?

Hobson: Please.

[Arthur hands him his helmet]

Hobson: Thank you. Now your goggles.

Arthur: Why?

Hobson: Please.

[Arthur hands him his goggles]

Hobson: Thank you.

[Slaps him across the face repeatedly]

Hobson: You spoiled little bastard! You're a man who has everything, haven't you, but that's not enough. You feel unloved, Arthur, welcome to the world. Everyone is unloved. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself. And incidentally, I love you.

Susan: A real woman could stop you from drinking.
Arthur: It'd have to be a real BIG woman.  




Burt Johnson: [smiling broadly] When I was 11 years old, I KILLED a man.
Arthur: Well, when you're 11 you probably don't even know there's a law against that. Is Susan here?
Burt Johnson: I knew what I was doing. We were poor. He came into our house to steal our food.
Arthur: Well, he was asking for it.
Burt Johnson: I took a knife, and I killed him in the kitchen.
Arthur: You, uh... probably ate out that night, what with that man lying in your kitchen.
Burt Johnson: You seem to find humor in everything.
Arthur: Yeah, sorry




Arthur: Hobson? 
Hobson: Yes. 
Arthur: Do you know what I'm going to do? 
Hobson: No, I don't. 
Arthur: I'm going to take a bath. 
Hobson: I'll alert the media. 
Arthur: [rises] Do you want to run my bath for me? 
Hobson: That's what I live for. 
[Arthur exits] 
Hobson: Perhaps you would like me to come in there and wash your dick for you, you little shit. 




LMAO